Political Polling: Making Easy Money

Not much happened in the market today as volume was lighter than the audience for a Hasselhoff reality TV show (and also about 900 IQ points higher) as investors continue to sit on their laurels (and if it is this Laurel on which they are sitting, then Money McBags certainly understands) while
waiting for year end. Fund managers who have spent the last nearly 11.5
months hugging their index as tightly as if it were a jittery Serinda Swan
have no interest in deviating from that non-alpha (yet high bonus)
generating strategy in the last 3 weeks of the year. It's just not
going to happen, like Mark Madoff playing Santa Claus in next year's
Macy's Day parade (and not because he's Jewish, but because he's dead).

Fund managers are content to glide in to year end and not do anything
to fuck up their easy earned bonuses (because really, mimicking an
index takes less skill and time than it takes for Smurfette to get a
date on a Friday night) while working class America prepares to eat cake
(and not regular cake, but urinal cake). So "Santa Claus Rally" on as
the next three weeks should be less volatile than Wesley Snipes' acting
career over the next 3 to 5 years (and less volatile than his actual tax payments for the last 10 years as well).

As for US macro news, there was no real new information today other than that Wall Street is set to wrap up a jizztacular two year run thanks to Uncle Sam, higher stock and bond trading, and something called outright fraud. Despite warnings from the always lovely Meredith Whitney that Wall Street is going to contract in the next several years (and Money McBags has such a crush on her that he would both wrassle any other suitor
for her and let her manipulate his balance sheet assets), bankers are
making out like bandits this year (and yes, that is an insult to the
good name of bandits everywhere). Apparently being able to lend money
while not having to deal with the risk of losses is a fruitful business.

In legislative news, a key part of the Obama health care bill was deemed unconstitutional
today because the Founding Fathers definitely were in favor of letting
people forgo health insurance so they could spread the costs of their
emergency room visits to those paying for insurance, well they were in
favor of that and fucking their slaves. Also, the tax package compromise (and Money McBags would compromise and let Congresswoman Mary Bono Mack, or her lovely staffer Jennifer Baird
tax his package anytime they like) passed a procedural vote today with
the compromise being that no one will have to pay taxes.

The new tax bill will continue George W. Bush's spend and don't tax
policies that were so popular with Republicans for eight years which
means that Obama's approval rating should soon shoot to a billionty
(that is if Obama were American). The key thing to remember about this
bill, which will cause the US deficit to spiral even more out of control
than Lindsay Lohan
at an all you can snort party, is that by the time the rhetoric hits
the fan, most of us will be dead so fuck you next generation with your
loud music, your texting, and your general douchebaggery. Perhaps if you wouldn't have been such a bunch of assclowns, the government might have given a shit about your future. Consider yourselves pwned.

There was one bit of macro news out and that was that nearly one in every four houses
with a mortgage was underwater last month yielding a total negative
equity value of $744B, or whats better known as, "CitiGroup." While
this number is slightly down from last month, though not as
cocktickingly down as the future volume on TV commercials
(and Money McBags thanks the great FCC in the sky for this because
there is nothing worse than falling asleep to the melodic stylings of
Charlie Rose (that is the point of his show, right?) only to be
violently woken up by a guy loudly exclaiming you will love his nuts),
it was driven by foreclosures going up and not by a rise in home
values. So the news is about as positive as being born to a successful
Ivy League professor (on one hand, you get free tuition at a great
school and good benefits, on the other hand, you really have to work for it).
Interestingly, 67% of all homes with mortgages in Nevada are now
underwater which means mythologists are only 33% away from finally
locating Atlantis.

Internationally, China caused a bit of a rally today by refusing to raise rates
even with inflation accelerating at its fastest pace in two years as
investors hope China's bubble can stay inflated until the global
depression ends. Also in Asia, Japan is cutting their corporate tax rate by 5% to 35%, though it is unclear how they will make up the $18B shortfall this creates other than selling tickets for Harumi Nemoto motorboat rides.

In the market, all of the news centered around M&A as DELL made a compelling
offer to buy Compellent for $950MM and an upgraded call center number
for Compellent to use when their shitty DELL laptops break down. Also, GE is buying Windstream for 800 Pounds (or what is more commonly known as, one Gabourey Sidibe)

Finally, Goldman added AAPL to their conviction buy list and put a $430 price on it while also finally adding Brooklyn Decker
to their "really hot" list, Leo Tolstoy to their great Russian writers
list, and Rutherford B. Hayes to their most famous guys named Rutherford
list. GOOG also received an analyst upgrade today, this time from
Wedbush Morgan (and Money McBags would love to wed this Morgan's
bush) who increased their target price on GOOG from $575 to $750 based
on the fact that the analyst hadn't published anything in a while and
wanted more funds to trade through his firm (that's how the sell side
rolls). There is not a $175 difference between how GOOG was perceived
yesterday and today, but sell side analysts need to eat too. Finally, A&P filed for bankruptcy because levering up to buy other low margin competitors proved to be a worse strategic decision than one of Sal Alosi's.

For more Money McBags on small cap stocks and Christina Hendricks, go to the award winning When Genius Prevailed.

Editors Note: Kind readers, you all noticed that Money McBags
was away for the past two weeks and many of you inquired as to his
whereabouts. Let it be known that rumors of his demise were more
overblown than Peter North in Face Jam.
Money McBags was simply called away to take care of very important
business (which may or may not have included a stint as a judge for this tremendous competition)
but he is back for now and that is what matters. While this first
column back is a bit rusty, Money McBags assures you all he will quickly
find his stride or his name isn't Money McBags.

Winter is just around the corner, and that means colder temperatures will cause your heating costs to rise inevitably. The average family in Ontario spends about 65 percent of all utility bills on heating, with this figure being highest during the winter. Here are a few simple things you can do to your home in order to save money on heating costs this winter:

1) Open up the vents.

As the passageways where heat is circulated in your home, it's important to keep these as clean as possible. Removing any dust will not only improve your home's air quality, but it will also maximize the amount of heat that will circulate in your home.

2) Get your furnace serviced.

Arrange to have your furnace checked out and audited by your local gas company. This can save you up to 10% in heating costs this winter.

3) Prep your windows for winter.

Did you know that the majority of heating is lost through the windows, doors, and cracks of your home? Prevent this from happening by filling in any cracks and lining unused windows and doors with insulation tape. You can also get extra insulation for your windows by investing in some energy efficient window treatments. Many companies now make shades with Energy Shield, which utilizes natural light to conserve the heat in your home. These shades also have special fabric pockets which help to insulate heat.

4) Turn those ceiling fans on.

It sounds unlikely but by having ceiling fans turn upwards, it can help circulate heat flow in a room.

5) Turn down the thermostat during work hours.

Most thermostats have timers. Set yours to a lower temperature when there's nobody at home, and have it automatically start an hour before you come home from work. That way, you're still coming home to a warm home and conserving energy when it's not needed.

Incorporating these simple and easy steps can save you a significant amount on your next heating bill. Not only are you cutting down on expenses, but the environment will thank you for it too for making energy-conscious choices. Follow these tips for a greener, warmer winter season!

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Sunday, December 19, 2010

Making Easy Money

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